Blog Archives

10 Reasons I Won’t Follow You on Twitter

I’m not even remotely Twitter Famous…but I am rather picky lol

 

1.  You’re an egg. No avi = no follow.

2. You have a bazillion followers, you only follow 1 person, that one person is Justin Bieber.

3.  Your timeline is nothing but canned jokes made by 10 other accounts 2 weeks before you stole them and tried to pass them off as original thoughts.

4. You beg celebrities for RTs.

5.  You’re a business that shamelessly self-promotes without attempting to connect with your followers.

6.  Basic grammar eludes you.

7.  You don’t interact with people. If I don’t see one @ reply in your TL, I’ll assume you just enjoy talking to yourself.

8.  You include spoilers to shows I DVR and you don’t use hashtags or warn me first. Yes, I’m serious lol.

9.  You’re a racist, homophobe, bigot, slut-shamer, Romney fan, religious zealot, or Unicorn hater.

10. You’re family. Get back on Facebook where you belong 😛

 

Feel free to follow me on Twitter.

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The 10 (But Really 13) Things I Learned On My Social Media Break

  1. I tweet A LOT! I kept picking up my phone when something happened, then setting it down again after remembering I wasn’t tweeting.
  2. Twitter is free therapy. I tell a bunch of strangers more about my life than I tell my therapist. Why am I paying her again?
  3. Without tweeting, the need for my cellphone decreased and I began questioning why I was paying so much for it. Don’t be stupid, of course I kept it.
  4. I missed all the crazy people I follow – the people who I’ve really come to depend on – the ones I adore.
  5. I need people to validate my very existence on a regular basis. I require reassurance that I’m pretty, smart, funny, etc. Twitter is great for that.
  6. I’m convinced the world needs to know my every move, thought, and meal. Yes, Twitter makes me feel way more important than I really am.
  7. Venting online keeps me from killing my husband or selling my children to the lowest bidder (I’m still accepting offers though).
  8. I really enjoy letting strangers make my decisions for me, from choosing my nail polish color to whether I should buy my son a cellphone. It makes life so much easier.
  9. Working overnight, knowing I have no one to text at 3am, I could always count on Twitter to keep me entertained. The last 2 weeks were extremely boring.
  10. My kids say a lot of funny shit. I don’t really have friends with children so I rely on my fellow parents on Twitter to laugh with me. I haven’t been able to share any good kid stories lately.
  11. No one around here cares about my tv show obsessions. I have no one to talk to about my favorite characters. Twitter is full of obsessed freaks like me.
  12. I am even more convinced of the utter uselessness of Facebook. I didn’t miss that at all.
  13. I don’t ever want to go this long without tweeting again…

Why Say NO to Social Media